Ain't Misbehavin' review

Dear Ruben Studdard,

I know you think you're 'all that' because you're the one American Idol that everyone forgets, BUT... I walked out of your play last night.  Allow me to explain myself.

D'Nell and I bought season tickets to Broadway Across America- mostly so we were guaranteed a ticket to Wicked, but I digress.  Last night we had tickets to 'Ain't Misbehavin' at Kingsbury Hall.  I had quite high hopes for this.  There were 3 American Idol alums in it, including you- the 'star'.  I was even willing to put aside the hard feelings I have toward you since I saw you at a gas station in LA and you completely ignored a little girl wanting your autograph (seriously, who does that!  You must not have a soul).  

We did see Elvis alive and well in the lobby.  I took a picture with my phone, but the flash went off and he looked at me so I ran up the stairs.  Maybe he didn't want to be recognized.

Off to our seats, which are the smallest seats ever engineered by man.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  Girl comes and sits next to me.  She's coughing up a lung and I'm pretty sure she gave me polio.  Show finally starts 20 minutes late.  I'm already annoyed with you.  What, you had to make sure you finished your Diet Coke before it started.  Let me tell you something- I don't like divas!

I start thinking to myself, 'Self, does this play have any kind of storyline?  Because everyone is just standing around singing and occasionally swaying.  I don't think that there have been any speaking parts yet.  Well, this IS just the beginning.  It will get better.'

About 15 minutes later, a loud drum solo wakes me up and I am dismayed to find I'm still in the uncomfortable seats and only 15 minutes have passed.  I think that people are still singing, but I can't hear them over the band.  There must have been something wrong with the sound.  I can't imagine why your sound people didn't realize it.  You'd think that you would have professional sound people working for you- I mean you're a huge star, right?!  

I realize that there COULD be dialogue, but we just can't hear it over the loudness of the band.  I can't even hear the words to the songs unless more than one person is singing at a time.  I feel like I'm watching a marching band with a few very unenthusiastic flag girls, except they really liked to grab their breasts.  I'm sure that fact made the play more entertaining to SOME people- not me.

I was extremely relieved when D'Nell leaned over and told me, "I'm not enjoying myself and I'm willing to leave at halftime".  I thanked my lucky stars that someone else was having the same issues that I was.  So we counted down the last few songs in the first act.  I was busy playing the alphabet game in my head because I was so bored.  The lights came on.  We grabbed our stuff.  I got head-butted by an old lady.  And we split.  

I was not so amazed to see at least 50 other people heading for their cars at the same time.  We went home and watched American Idol.  Maybe this is the year you will be replaced as 'The Great One'.  (GO DANNY!!!)  

So Ruben, here is my advice to you.  I will admit that you have a decent voice.  Stop being such a jerk and maybe people will like you and your record label won't drop you (if you ever find another one).  There's this thing called sound check.  Use it.  Make sure that all the mics are working.  People paid money to come see AND hear the show.  Don't make them think it was all a waste.  

I believe that I have made my case for a full refund (plus gas).  Please send $80 cash to me as soon as possible.  I will try to forget this and move on.  Once you have proved to me that you have changed, I will attempt to tolerate you.  Until then... GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!

Best Wishes,

Nicole