So yesterday I was introduced to this website that you send your weird text messages to. It's pretty much taken up every waking minute of my life (at least the last 24 hours). I cannot stop laughing! Most of them are obviously from drunken individuals, but you just have to wonder what the crap is going on in their lives. I thought I was the only person that random stuff happens to, so this is quite a relief! Maybe it's funny to me because I can actually picture getting some of these texts from some friends (who will remain nameless- but you know who you are)!
I have taken a few of my favorite postings from the website and I will share them with you. Friends, this is only in the first 25 pages of the site. There's over 700 pages that I still have to go through. Don't worry- I'm sure I'll make it through safely. And there will probably be more to share later.
***DISCLAIMER: If you feel so inclined to visit said website, I must warn my 'good' friends that the majority of the stuff on there would be rated 'R'. Oh, and I’m not correcting any misspellings or punctuation- even though I feel like I’m dying inside to leave it wrong. ***
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do I always lose
I’m sorry I’m just not ready to become a vampire yet
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor. It’s my greatest physical accomplishment.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he looking for the same thing I am?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes I feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Professor used ‘ROFL’ while grading my paper… do I even go to a real college?
You kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to ‘man up’ when it cried
I have a food baby… I think it’s a boy
She’s got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I’m pretty sure that about sums it up…
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just said ‘Chunky’ very loudly in his sleep.
Just tried to put my pants on backwards… the chances of passing my physics test just went down about 100%
It’s a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That’s an automatic A in community college
Do people in England often walk their sheep on leashes? Or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and ‘it’s a girl’ balloons tied around your neck. You were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters ‘aarons party’. I think the real question was what DIDN’T you drink last night
I just saw someone I know on True Life. I need new friends
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it’s not Zach Morris’. I no longer believe in true love.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for ‘eating Henry’
You tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were ‘frozen’
I’m playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die
Dude…you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were the fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
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